I’ve put a lot of thought into trying to interact with doctors in a way that will get the most information possible. I’ve concluded that doctors have two modes: conveying information and trying to comfort you emotionally. Most doctors seem to feel antsy about the latter mode, and with good reason–I doubt they get trained for it, and even the ones who are good at it aren’t nearly as good as your friends and family, for obvious reasons.

Worse yet, once they get into comforting mode, it’s hard to get them to shift gears and actually give you all the information you’re going to want later. Getting information is tough enough as it is. Though I am smart and persistent enough to have got an Ivy League doctorate, I find I just think a lot slower when the topic is my own serious illness, plus the mistaken ideas or theories that are floating around in my head interfere with my listening. (My Ph.D. in literature helps me analyze this process later, but not, annoyingly, to avoid it at the time).

So it’s essential to a) have a list of questions, b) ask them again in a slightly different way if you didn’t understand the first answer, and above all c) avoid having medical personnel brand you as anxious. Fortunately, you don’t have to look perfectly composed or anything; it’s just preferable not to look like a bundle of nerves.

That was my mistake last week when I went to see my main oncologist (whom I’ll call Dr. Virginia because I schlep out to Virginia to see him). By and large he’s a great oncologist, but last Wednesday when I was getting my blood drawn before I saw him I made the mistake of mentioning to the phlebotomist how anxious I was about the counts (because I want to know if my Vidaza is working). So, they didn’t give me my printout of blood counts like they usually do; instead, Dr. Virginia told me verbally, and I didn’t get them all written down, and now I have to wait for them to show up on my medical-portal website to see exactly what they were.

At least I had my list of questions, and was able to get the answerable ones answered.

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