Why I haven’t blogged in a long time

So, the reason I haven’t blogged in a long time is that, in early December, I found out that my inpatient chemo had failed and that current medical science offers no chance of curing me–sometime in the upcoming weeks or months I’ll die of leukemia.

Well, ok, there is a super long shot chance of remission–I’ve joined a clinical trial, which has put a few people into remission for some period of time. But the odds of that are very, very low–single digit, in my guesstimate based on the nurse’s guesstimate, although my dad and boyfriend persist in being more optimistic. My main reason for participating in the study is that I just really hate leukemia, and what to do what I can against it in general. I can’t deal with the emotional whiplash of getting my hopes up about what the study could do for me–I’m sure if it puts me in full remission, I’ll cope with it just fine without extended preparation.

Anyway, facing very likely impending death, I decided to shift my focus to communicating with my friends individually, telling them how much I love them, and saying goodbye. It’s hard because I do have a lot of fatigue and a lot of friends if you count every era of my life, but I’ll do what I can and just count on the fact that, for those I miss, my friends already know I love them.

I’ve also been focusing on trying to think about Heaven, which is a bit hard because “what we will be has not yet been revealed,” but my sisters found some Bible verses about it for me for Christmas.

So, not much blogging likely to happen here for a while, except I do need to put up that design for a no-sew blouse you can take on and off while attached to an IV pole in the hospital. The world needs to know about that.

Peace and blessings!

1 thought on “Why I haven’t blogged in a long time

  1. tric

    I am so sorry to hear your devastating news. I came to your blog first when my friends son was sick with leukemia. I’m afraid he didn’t make it, but I thought I’d share two stories with you which I have written about before on my blog. The summary of them is this. I was so very sad and missing my little friend who died recently. It was nearly Xmas and his mom had said she’d call by. I went upstairs to try to get some of my tears out of the way. When I came down my husband handed me a Christmas card from last year. We don’t know how it got to be on the counter or why we hadn’t seen it in the previous days. It was last years card from my young friend. Was it a coincidence or was he trying to speak with his mom who arrived minutes later?
    The other one was my Dad. On his wedding anniversary the year after he died my mom was very lonely. Then we opened the paper and an article he had written was printed. We have no idea how it got to be in the paper as we didn’t know anyone had shared it. It was written by him the previous year and spoke of his love for all of us most especially my mom.
    Again was this a coincidence.
    I am sure it is so very difficult to say goodbye to so many but I hope these two stories will help you to hope that even unseen you will never leave those you love.